weteevee:

fappuclno:

weteevee:

things i’ll do for my friends if they ask politely:

  • give car rides
  • cook for
  • oral sex
  • help with homework

wait what was that middle one?

cook for?

almondkitty-tantricdreaminglover:

domics:

I work my ass off, so you can laugh yours off.

ಥ⌣ಥ

perf!!

etteluor:

xminimuffincatx:

neyalew:

au8:

listoflifehacks:

If you like this list of life hacks, follow ListOfLifeHacks for more like it!

I swear people who follow listoflifehacks will be the most prepared for a zombie apocalypse

Oi.

Yeah you.

Don’t scroll past this.

This could save you’re life one day.

STAPH.

<(*A*<) Come back.

It will save your life one day

Thank you listoflifehacks for making my life easier and preparing me for a Doomsday

heliolisk:

laying on the grass sounds so nice until you realize there are bugs and dirt everywhere

hipster-trichster:

marina-peixes:

svvords:

Why are shorts called shorts but pants arent called longs

she wears short shorts I wear long longs

she’s cheer cheerer and i’m on the sit sits

troyeuphoria:

THIS IS STILL MY FAVORITE THING EVER

accidently:

accidently:

I’m on the poster committee at school and I shouldn’t be

exhibit B:

accidently:

accidently:

I’m on the poster committee at school and I shouldn’t be

exhibit B:

pokeballssohard:

pokeballssohard:

So one of my friends was having a party at his house, and this one guy was being a total dick and my friend wanted him to leave. My friend was pretty drunk, and apparently the other guy was hopped up majorly on coke, and the guy was refusing to leave so it turned into a fight except this guy goes crazy and pulls out a knife and STABS MY FRIEND TWELVE FUCKING TIMES, puncturing both of his lungs and leaving stab wounds on my friends lower stomach, back, and neck and my fiance was HOLDING HIS BLEEDING OUT WOUNDS AND CALLING 911 

And yeah it was pretty touch and go for a bit there but my friend made a full recovery and came home yesterday so my fiance and I got him this cake. 

He loved it.

C’mon guys. My friend got stabbed and we got him a sorry you got stabbed cake.

I told him I’d make him internet famous, don’t let me down guys.

eaoaia:

postmodernism:

I don’t know why Frank insisted on bringing me to this dinner party, I don’t even know what to talk about and everyone’s already having a conversation, it’d be awkward to butt in. A steakhouse? Really? I’m a pescetarian, Frank. We’ve known each other ten years. Nobody’s even bothered to comment on my coat or offered a tummy rub. Your friends are shit, Frank.

my favorite post of 2013

eaoaia:

postmodernism:

I don’t know why Frank insisted on bringing me to this dinner party, I don’t even know what to talk about and everyone’s already having a conversation, it’d be awkward to butt in. A steakhouse? Really? I’m a pescetarian, Frank. We’ve known each other ten years. Nobody’s even bothered to comment on my coat or offered a tummy rub. Your friends are shit, Frank.

my favorite post of 2013